Is there a lot of posing in the Hamptons?
There’s a lot of posing everywhere — on the street it’s called “fronting.” But as long as you’ve got the goods to back the pose, it’s actually legitimate in the long run. The late, great Henry Grunwald once said to me, “You only call people social climbers when they’re not good at it.”
What’s “the Marilyn Monroe syndrome”?
Some people, no matter how much money they make or status they have, never really have it. I call it the Marilyn Monroe syndrome, because she felt like a nobody, invisible, mistreated by men; then suddenly she was the most famous woman in the world. But obviously she didn’t take that home with her. Unfortunately, the need for approval and social success has to be satisfied within yourself, your own values.
Inheriting a lot of money — what does that do to people?
A lot of people “to the manor born” have done extraordinary things with their lives. Others are arrogant and ungrateful — or maybe they’re just confused because they inherited great wealth and don’t know what to do with it. A mentor of mine, Steve Ross, had a motto: “We work hard, we play hard.” People who didn’t inherit their wealth are probably more socially secure than those who did, because the ones who did feel it’s only their money that’s gotten them in the door. I feel sorry for them — even though they can sometimes be very obnoxious.
Has money changed a lot since you were a kid?
Today people worth 20 million or 30 million are considered small-time compared to people worth billions. People say, “Oh, they only have a couple hundred million,” and that’s always very amusing.
Did you grow up rich?
I grew up in housing in Long Island City when it was mostly factories. My father died when I was four, and my mother was out of work all the time. I dreamed of dressing like Cary Grant and clawing my way into the beautiful people’s world, which happened for me. I was very lucky.
What was it like to make your first million?
In the mid-80s, after St. Elmo’s Fire and The Lost Boys opened doors for me, Paramount offered me a million dollars to direct a project — and I’d only made about three films! So I went to lunch with Mike Ovitz, who was running CAA, and said, “Your agency just got me a million dollars. This is a historic moment in my life.” And he said, “Oh, Joel, that’s nothing yet.” In Hollywood, a million dollars was chump change.
Do you owe a lot of money?
I had debt when I got off hard drugs in 1970, but paid it all back with interest and swore I’d never be in debt again as long as I lived. I pay for everything in cash, which I know isn’t smart on a lot of levels, but I can sleep at night because I don’t owe anyone a dime.
Where did you stay your first summers out here?
I spent a lot of time with Lee Bailey — not the lawyer F. Lee Bailey, but the photographer and chef — who had a beautiful house in Sagaponack. There were parties all the time. He didn’t have a lot of money, but there was always enough.
Bailey was a great chef. Are you into food?
No, just chefs.
But you like to party.
Listen, I love to party. For me the best part of the Hamptons is I see a lot of people I love, and a lot of people I adore and think are fun — they’re not always my closest friends, but they’re smart and interesting and a pleasure to be around. But I’ve noticed that there’s a large part of the population that’s very concerned about whether they’ve been invited to a particular party or not. And I’ve never quite understood that, because there’s always another party.
Have people with money helped or hurt the Hamptons?
I started coming here as a teen, when it was still potato fields. It’s always been one of the most beautiful places. And I’ve seen people with money take an old property and make it exquisite. But people with money have also hurt the landscape with — I don’t want to insult them by calling them McMansions, but what was once a beautiful, empty field now has this big thing that looks like a hotel on it.
Is money dangerous?
Money, used for good, can be the greatest thing. But it deludes people into thinking that if they’re rich, they shouldn’t have problems. It’s like, “I didn’t get Plan A. I got Plan Quadruple A. So why do I still feel like shit?” I’m sure it was a cave woman in one of the first caves who said, “Money won’t buy happiness.” That was a very smart woman.
